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Posts Tagged ‘Apology’

Six components of the perfect apology

We’ve all heard apologies that made us question the sincerity of the person who is supposed to be saying “I’m sorry.” What makes an apology resonate as truly heartfelt? Six important ingredients, a new study suggests.

Read more: http://www.today.com/health/six-components-perfect-apology-t86211?cid=eml_tes_20160413

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Look on my affliction and my pain, And forgive all my sins. Psalm 25:18 (NKJV)

We want to teach our children to recognize when they have done something to hurt somebody else and to apologize.  That’s part of how we teach train them to be good citizens of this world and in preparation to be citizens of the kingdom of God.  We all should know and be regretful for hurtful behavior or actions.  But we can’t force anyone to feel regret and therefore should not force anyone to apologize.

According to Laura Markham, author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends for Live, “Apologizing can be a great way to make things better between children, but forcing them to do it is teaching all the wrong lessons.”[i]  The main reason why it is not good is because forced apologies don’t really change behavior and only make them feel shameful and angry.

A better option, according to Markham, is to get the child to acknowledge what their wrong has done, and help them figure out how to make changes.  As she explains, “You want to empower your child to see himself as a generous person who can make things better when he’s done something hurtful.”

Don’t simply discard the words “I’m sorry.” But if you simply get your kids to just say the words, without understanding the meaning or how to help fix what they broke, you have not really taught them to solve the bigger problem in life.   Children learn from us how to repair relationships, so make sure that when you and your child have a relationship rupture, you apologize and reconnect.

When you teach your children to recognize their wrongdoing and apologize you’re teaching them a greater lesson.  “The lesson to be taught the children is that their errors and mistakes are to be brought to Jesus in their very childhood of life. Teach them to ask His forgiveness daily for any wrong that they have done, and that Jesus does hear the simple prayer of the penitent heart, and will pardon, and receive them, just as He received the children brought to Him when He was upon earth.”[ii]

Father, help me to teach my children by example how to apologize.

[i] http://www.today.com/parents/when-adele-says-hello-adorable-toddler-says-hi-right-back-t54311

[ii] White, E.G.  Child Guidance, p.494

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