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Posts Tagged ‘Human Sexuality’

Not right now

To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV)

 

As much as you may read and study, talking about human sexuality is still a bit uncomfortable for us as parents but much more so for our children.  We as adults understand the mechanics and have found the gift of marital sex to be wonderful and something to be enjoyed.  But for a young mind, some of the specifics are difficult to comprehend.  So keep in mind one more thing:

  1. Don’t press on if your child is uncomfortable. As Michele Borba, parenting expert, suggests, the key to any good parenting discussion, on any subject, is to watch the child’s response and then take their lead. Again, you don’t have to provide them with too much information, it doesn’t have to be too graphic, and you don’t have to do it all at one time.  As Borba says, “In today’s world, kids are hearing about sex far younger than you would ever suspect.  Make sure that you are there to give them accurate information.”[i]

You also need to keep in mind the level of maturity and comfort in your child.  Just because one of your children was able to absorb and accept all the information you shared with them at a certain age it does not mean that all your children will be ready at the same age.  What is most important is to always maintain open communication and an environment where your children will feel comfortable asking questions and approaching this subject.

In our home, we never had “the talk” with our daughters.  Instead, human sexuality was simply a normal part of our entire life experience so that as they were growing up they were learning, a little at a time, about how God created us all and how He designed for our bodies.  The result was that during the transition years of puberty we could talk about the changes taking place not as a taboo but as a normal part of growing up into adulthood.

 

Father God, how wonderful You are and how wonderful You have created us.  Help us to convey to our children the wonder of Your works in and through our bodies that they may grow up loving you and taking good care of themselves and of the treasure with which You have entrusted them.

[i] http://www.today.com/parents/parents-try-explain-sex-kids-reactions-are-priceless-1D80412561?cid=eml_tes_20150110(accessed 1-10-15)

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What should I say?

Adam had sexual relations with his wife Eve again, and she gave birth to a son. She named him Seth and said, “God has given me another child. He will take the place of Abel, who was killed by Cain.“ Genesis 4:25 (NCV)

 

If we’re completely honest with ourselves, we will confess that we came to our first sexual encounter with fear and trepidation, and with a certain amount excitement.  The fear might have come from not knowing what to expect.  The trepidation came from not really knowing anything about this subject.  For many of us, like me, we never had “the talk.”  Many young people end up learning about human sexuality in school, through friends, through the media (television, internet, magazines, etc.), or through other means.  And what they learn is more often than not a wrong or distorted view of this precious gift from God.

  1. Plan what you’re going to say. In the video project mentioned before, parenting expert observed that many of the parents in the video weren’t talking to kids at their age level. Keep in mind that children are extremely literal, so choose your words and images carefully.[i]

As we stated before, some parents feel very nervous and uncomfortable approaching this subject with their children mainly due to their own ignorance.  The only way to overcome that ignorance is by learning about it first for ourselves.  Read books about human sexuality for adults and talk among yourselves about what you are learning.  Then read books such as “But How’d I Get in There in the First Place? Talking to Your Young Child About Sex.”[ii] Make sure you convey only what you agree with and feel comfortable sharing from the reading you are doing.  Not all authors have a biblical perspective on sexuality and may recommend things that are contrary to God’s established principles.  And always remember to use language that is simple, clear, and appropriate to your child’s age.  The goal is to educate them at their level not to give them all the information an adult should know.

 

Father God, helps us to learn as much as we can about human sexuality for our benefit and for that of our children, and then give us just the right words to use as we explain about this special gift to us.

[i] Ibid

 

[ii] http://www.amazon.com/But-Howd-There-First-Place-ebook/dp/B003P9XC4Y/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1420926055&sr=8-3&keywords=but+how%27d+I+get+here(accessed 1-10-15)

 

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Let’s sit down

Adam had sexual relations with his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. Eve said, “With the LORD’S help, I have given birth to a man.“ Genesis 4:1 (NCV)

 

Because my father died when I was a teenager and my brother only about seven years old, when he reached puberty my mother asked me to talk to him about “the facts of life.”  I thought that was interesting, particularly since I never that “the talk” myself.  As I prepared to have that conversation with my brother I was learning some of those facts myself, a very uncomfortable position to be in.  I learned a second thing to keep in mind:

  1. Avoid a formal sit-down talk. It is a lot easier if you use simple little teachable moments, rather than a long biology lesson, with picture books or videos, as I tried to do with my brother. Michele Borba adds that sitting around a table is probably too formal and it makes it more uncomfortable both for you as a parent and for your children. Instead, take advantage of those times when you’re playing with your child, or go for a walk, or perhaps shoot basketball while having a chat at the same time.  This way they will learn that sexuality is a very normal part of our conversation and family life.  You may also keep in mind that sometimes it’s better for one parent to talk to the child, not both.  When both parents “gang up’ on the child, he or she may feel like this is a setup of sorts.

Also keep in mind that you don’t need to provide them with an entire lesson on anatomy and physiology.  Instead, Borba[i] suggests, “Give (information) in short little nuggets, not 10-minute speeches. Ask – ‘What do you think I just meant by that? What do you think I said?’ So that you know where they’re coming from.”

I have often wondered what that conversation between God, the Creator, and Adam and Eve, whom He had just made, must have been like.  It must have been beautiful, simple, easy to understand, without any malice at all.   You have the same sacred opportunity to educate your children about this special gift of God to all of us.

 

Father God, help us to talk to our children about the gift of sexuality with the same tact, love, simplicity, and purity with which you spoke to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

[i] Ibid.

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The Talk

Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply.” Genesis 1:28 (NKJV)

 

On a project by “Today Parents”[i] several parents were videotaped while they explained to their young children how babies are made.  The varied responses of these children range from hilarious to enlightening.  The parents thought this would be a good, fun way to explain to their children “the facts of life.”

For many families, having “the talk” is one of the most stressful things they have to do.  Since God invented sex as a beautiful, normal experience, it shouldn’t be difficult to talk about it with our children, as long as we keep several things in mind:

  1. Don’t delay the talk. In actuality, the best way to handle human sexuality education with our children is to do it from the time they are small. While you don’t have to go into great details about the mechanics of intercourse with toddlers, it is important that you use the correct anatomical terms for all body parts.   According to Michele Borba[ii], parenting expert, “the research says if you start at the age of 2 and 3… you’re giving your kid a bath, that’s the perfect time to say, that’s your penis.”

Part of the reason so many parents feel uncomfortable approaching this subject with their children has to do with their one ignorance or how human sexuality was dealt with in their own homes.  If they were raised to believe that sex is sinful and dirty, parents may convey the same lie to their children.  Keep in mind that God gave Adam and Eve the gift of sex before sin had entered the world.  Teach your children about this beautiful gift and how important it is that they save it for their own marriage one day in the future.

 

Father God, thank you for the gift of sex. Give us, as parents, the wisdom to teach our children about this special treasure you have entrusted to each of us.

[i] http://www.today.com/parents/parents-try-explain-sex-kids-reactions-are-priceless-1D80412561?cid=eml_tes_20150110(accessed 1-10-15)

[ii] Ibid.

 

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